Snakes and Ladders.

In a post-modern society a person’s identity is an issue that is frequently discussed. How do we define one another?  Moreover, how is it acceptable or politically correct to define others? Would it be ok to define a person completely by their gender, their sexuality or their race? Of course not. But what is important is how people use their attributes to define themselves and consequently whether they feel as though they are being true to their identity.

Whatever is important to each individual in their lives helps them to define themselves for themselves and not have their identity defined for them by others. For example being a mother, or daughter, or friend may be important and certainly affect the way that one may conduct themselves and how they act in certain situations. However, I would argue that there are of course different types of mothers and daughters and friends. Some good, some bad and some of these relationships seem more important than others. It is how individuals perceive themselves and who they believe they are that moulds them into the kind of person they are going to be in each of these roles, and how they are perceived by others.

 I assume that most people have heard the saying that it is impossible to truly love, until you learn to love yourself? I believe that knowing or not knowing your identity faces you with a similar scenario: without knowing what you truly believe in, what gives you a firey feeling in your belly, and what makes you incredibly angry means that you do not really guide other people and understand and appreciate them in the same way that you possibly could. So, although you may not like all of the qualities you recognise in yourself, learning to accept them and manage them will mean that you can often have better relationships with others.

They say that when people travel, or move away to University that they find their identity- in effect they are forced to. They can break away from old routines and in a sense mould their lives again. You are allowed and encouraged to develop incredible passion and distaste and meet people who are like minded and even in many a case are not. But on this journey you are content in accepting that all kinds of characters are, of course, necessary to make the world go round and that difference helps to make people aware of whom they are and who they are most definitely not.

Therefore, when you leave an environment where you are comfortable, valued and respected for your thoughts and opinions you are left lost. You can spend years being defined as a student: someone who is valued for their hard work, their intelligence and their integrity. Your mistakes become fond memories- necessary occurrences that have guided you to a place that will have a long lasting effect on your life and, later, be an imprinted mark upon your identity.

But, unless you choose to stay in this world it is also inevitable that it will come to an end. Falling down the ladder is painful and uncomfortable. No-one will care in the work place about who you were before and what you think- not for many years to come anyhow. And back at the bottom foot of the ladder you suddenly realise that you have left your identity way back at the top, up in the clouds, away with the fairies and the double sixes. Everything that you became during education is, in a sense lost, the only part of it that is left is the knowledge that you once had it. 

The lesson that is taught in all of this is quite simply that life is hard. Getting comfortable at the top of the ladder (in any environment) means that there is always room to fall. To be able to define yourself and know yourself is pretty surreal, almost like frequent out of body experiences. And because of the falling and the hopping in and out of your body it unavoidably leaves you with many aches and pains. Worst of all, being in limbo, between roles and places means that when people ask you about yourself you are left stuttering and rambling- grappling around to cling on to the explanation you have had for the past three years. But living in the past will not help you to be a valued mother, daughter or friend because you will begin to miss the present, the future and the people surrounding you.

Although I will strive to continue to do the things that I discovered I loved to do because of my three years spent at Essex, from this moment, when someone asks me what I am about, instead of whinging that I have just left Uni and rambling on for twenty minutes about; how I miss it, and how I loved it, and can’t believe it’s all over, I will say:

“I graduated in June 2011 and I’m frequently being whacked round the face with the reality of the world at the moment, but, nevertheless I’m going to try really hard not to lose sight of who I am and what I want to do.”

Then, firstly, I will silently sob into the pint of beer that I am probably pulling when said questions are asked, thinking about how I can’t really afford the train fare to work for free on my day off.

And secondly, I will give myself a mental slap, and thanks to goodness I’m not living on a raft to escape slavery, or being forced to go to war at the age of 13, or living in a post-apocalyptic state constantly in fear of my life.

Up the ladder, down the snake, and up the ladder- so it goes.

Curiosity killed the cat – but it is surely better to die curious than ignorant?

For the past couple of weeks I have been working in a pub to earn some money for travelling whilst working for free for a production company in order to gain some invaluable production experience.

In the short time that I have worked at the pub I have spoken to a lot of strangers, some strangers more familiar than others. While it may sound odd to describe a stranger as familiar I am of course referring to the regulars. Many of them initially seem hot headed, a little leary and mainly consist of older men who are very particular about how they like their drinks poured and in which glass. However, rather than being irritated by them I have decided to find out from each person, who is willing, a little bit about themselves and as I do, I discover a little bit about myself.

Although I know a few of the regular customers’ names, I find that if I strike up conversation by offering information about myself  that I find out a lot about their past and their experiences. In particular when I describe the places I wish to travel many people have already been, or know someone who has lived there, and offer me advice on where to go or warn me if, for example, the North of Vietnam is not as friendly as the South. I welcome this advice with enthusiasm and they continue to talk and tell me about their lives and their travels. But, despite talking to some of the customers for a good half an hour, they often leave without a name or mention when they may return. In this respect, these people are of course my familiar strangers.

Often, after an insightful conversation with a customer they leave me wondering, about the customers who don’t engage in so much conversation: what’s happened in their lives? Where have they been? What are/were their dreams? Who have they loved? Are they happy?

Then, this week with these sorts of questions fresh in my mind, I went to interview a Historian with the production company and it left me wondering these questions even more. The man we met, Alan, lives in a small terrace house in Folkestone that only stands out because of the bright yellow colour of the garage. But amazingly inside in his study there are years and years of history as he shows us all the photographs and postcards that he has collected of Folkestone in World War 1.

There must have been hundreds, all neatly organised amongst 18^th century books and his wife’s collection of royal china. Around 70 years old, Alan told us that he initially qualified as a carpenter, then brought a boat with his father until eventually he gave all that up to pursue his hobby as a historian: he is now, in 2011, the founder of the Folkestone History society and has published five books (and co-published two.)

We were with Alan in his little study for just over two hours and he showed us many black and white photographs taken during and Post World War 1. He could describe to us who some of the people were and what had happened to them during the time that the photographs were taken. Each picture had a description of time and place on the back, and as I looked down at the faces of these people in these pictures- some smiling and some not- I began to think about history and how little did they know that posing for this insignificant picture would land them in a WW1 documentary for 2012.

So as we closed the door to Alan’s house and drove away, I looked at all the other houses in the street and thought about how incredible people’s lives were: I wondered how many people down the street did not know about all the history stored in Alan’s study, how many people down that particular street had a similar hobby, or perhaps how many people down the street had lived a similar life to me or maybe even endured a life tainted by heartache and pain. The funny thing is that despite my incessant wondering I will probably never know about another single soul that lives in that street and that left me feeling incredibly insignificant.

 I was back behind the bar the following day and a familiar stranger came in with his walking stick, I think he is around 80 years old, and as always he ordered a double Grouse. He is smiley and gracious but also a little reserved. Yesterday he came in had two double Grouse, then left and returned about two hours later and had the same again. I wondered where he had been for a short period of time and why he had returned. In the evening rush that came to follow I still did not get round to asking his name. But, I will definitely ask the next time I serve him.

Finding out something as simple as someone’s name, or what they have spent their lives doing makes them significant to you and to themselves. I also think that it would be lovely to see the mysterious Grouse man in the street and use his name to greet him and ask how he is. You never know who has travelled, read and experienced all of the things that you are about to embark upon. It makes me very aware of how other people’s pasts can shape your own or help you on the way. Behind every face, every door and every character there is a history and a life that defines them. Through meeting and talking to these people I have learnt many things but, most importantly, I have learnt that taking the time to learn about others allows you to learn something about yourself.

 All of these familiar strangers have now played a small part in my life and because of this I believe that they are extremely significant to me. After all we never know how long we have left to play a part in the world.

“All the worlds a stage and all the men and women are merely players.” As you like it ~ William Shakespeare.

Teenager's Today. (The Lambrini Child.)

You would think that as my twenty second birthday approaches that I would still be able to find myself relating to today's younger generations- being that I am still young and all. However, I think that this does in fact make it more difficult. Perhaps because I can still vividly remember what it is like to be a teenager and in my many a trip down memory lane fail to relate to the values and hobbies of today's teenagers.

I know I am in danger of sounding old before my time by expressing my frustration and concern about teenagers, but after talking to numerous other people my age I have begun to recognise that my opinions are often shared. What is most frightening about the values and behaviour of these teenagers is what they symbolise for our society and our cultural values. But, perhaps even more frighteningly, the vision they have recently provided me with for our future:

Driving home one evening last week, after catching up with a friend and meeting a man about some ongoing filming and editing work, I opted to drive the scenic route through Whitstable high street opposed to the dual carriage way. However, on this particular evening I could see far ahead someone stumbling into the road, and as I begin to mutter to myself about how irresponsible this was at that time of night, I slowed down and realised that the girl stumbling in the road was very small and very young. She actually looked about 8 or 9 although I would like to hope she was older than she looked because of the description of her that is about to follow: holding her up was a boy, perhaps about 12, and as I turn the corner I realise, instead of clutching a teddy, firm in her grasp is a half empty large bottle of Lambrini.

In the time that I thought about stopping and the consequences of doing so the boy had managed to hurl the child upright and get her walking more steadily and before I knew it I had driven passed. I found myself feeling instantly sick and extremely sad as the image (and possibly my choice not to stop) haunted me for the rest of the evening. In particular because I was reminded of the value that teenagers put upon getting absolutely paralytic in order to "having a good time" opposed to just having a few social  drinks and enjoying yourself. As my week continued the image of the Lambrini child continued to haunt me as I watched a BBC3 programme on parenting that shows a 15 year old girl, irrespective of the pain and worry it causes her parents, repeatedly insisting on drinking a litre of vodka on the streets. The young teenager’s lack of regard for her parents and resilience to punishments meant that the girl’s poor mother found herself being called to quite literally pick her daughter up off the street and drive her home.

Likewise, although older at 17, my brother and his friends very much value similar forms of immediate gratification. Whether it is leaving education in order to earn money quickly to fund drinking and smoking or generally disregarding others and circumstances that do not lead to an immediate gain, today’s teenagers simply value the present. There is desperation to appear older and get things immediately, waiting is never an option and neither is therefore, putting the needs of others before your own.

This is not to say that immediate gratification doesn't have any benefits: the majority of people like to drink, smoke and enjoy clubbing and waking up the next day laughing at horrendous facebook pictures. But, it appears to me, the difference between my generation and the few that follow me is the fact that they solely care about immediate gratification and little else. It is not very often that you find today's teenager's doing these things among other values of sport, music or education. On the whole their value of "getting on it" comes before their families and their futures.

But why? I continuously wonder what is the difference? My friends and I went out drinking and smoking underage. So why do many of today’s teenagers seem unappreciative and unaffected by everything else that goes on around them? Is it because they can’t remember a life without Facebook or Twitter? Where everyone can see what you’re doing and what kind of life you lead and so know what kind of person you are. A world of new media encompasses them and they have become clones of the social networking sites and multimedia resources that they use. If they can instantly switch between phone, ipod and camera or “check in” on facebook at a pub when they are only fifteen this must affect them and create a bravado for all to see. I think, in all honesty, that my generation had a lucky escape. We got Myspace around the age of fifteen and then Facebook and then Twitter and I think because we had fifteen years without it, it failed to shape us so much as people. We weren’t so aware of everyone being so aware of us and that is the fundamental difference. Likewise, the developments in technology have only really taken off in the past five years, meaning that we were inevitably less demanding and more patient. If a child gets frustrated waiting for a phone, laptop or ipad to load they sure as hell aren’t going to hang around waiting and working hard for deferred gratification, families or relationships.

Needless to say, I am sure there are some teenagers today that do value other things beside immediate gratification. I am sure there are some who have true passions and love to read and write or travel. But, unfortunately, I think these people are few and far between.  And it is this that I find most frightening because these generations are soon going to be playing the part as; our politicians, teachers, doctors, police and these teenagers will be promoting morals and values for our children and grandchildren to live by. It is that thought, alongside the image of the young girl with her bottle of Lambrini,  that is most shocking. But, as technology inevitably grows I don’t doubt so will the value of money, being continuously off your face and sticking two fingers up to anyone who dares to intervene with this kind of lifestyle.

Graduating in 2011.

Due to the current state of the economy and the naturally back handed and back stabbing ways of the government, being a graduate in the summer of 2011 is disheartening and difficult. In particular the arts and media jobs are being affected whilst, sales, recruitment and finance jobs thrive in our ever growing consumerist society.

Nevertheless there are still opportunities right? Plentiful internships and work experience are available and so for those who are determined and want to succeed, it simply must mean making the best of a bad situation and embracing the opportunities to learn in a working environment. However, I would say, much like Heller's Yossarian we will inevitably be left finding ourselves in many a catch 22 predicament.

Apart from those who are privately educated, second cousin twice removed to the Queen, and use £50 notes for toilet paper the rest of us have little chance of survival. With most major arts and media head offices situated in the capital and the cost of commute being higher than ever (thanks to Thatcher) we are most certainly left with a catch 22 situation: How is it possible to hold down a job, to fund a commute in order to work for free, to earn the experience that companies insist that you have? Well, it isn't. Unless you are fortunate enough to live in the heart of the capital and could be home from a full day's free work in time to work an evening job (and have no life for a few years) then we are stuck. Consequently, the infamous British value to work hard, earn money and only enjoy yourself when you’ve truly earned it is thus being forced away. If there are few jobs available I would suggest people’s values will be forced to change- I know mine are already in the short space of time that I have been “out there” looking for a career.

 But surely we have no choice? If we are unable to get enjoyment out of work then we must seek enjoyment elsewhere. Unfortunately, I fear, with the recent video footage of rioters at the front my mind that this could be catastrophic for Britain. The violence of the rioters simply illustrated their desperation for material gain in a society where the rich are getting richer and the poor are getting poorer. Following that, having returned from holiday three days later, David Cameron’s speech about our society’s values and the need for us to change was infuriating. I wonder if he is familiar with the term “practice what you preach?” and recognises that the government should take responsibility for the way that our society is driven?

Being a graduate in 2011 has left me to consider all of these options and exploring many ways and routes to achieve my ambitions and goals. And I have come to the resolution that it is going to take a very very long time.  For now, I have given up trying to find my dream job in London and the defeatist part of me thinks what is the point anyhow? The jobs I seek are few and far between and thousands of graduates who are desperate to work in the media are right behind me applying for the odd short lived internship. The world is enough of a depressing place without the inevitable rejection that encompasses us in 2011. For me, it will simply mean walking a different road to my goals, but I would like to think that I will end up at the same destination as a more grounded, insightful and grateful person. And so for now, I will live with my parents (like many other graduates) for possibly another decade until I have a job that will allow me to scrape together a deposit for a mortgage. However, I will endeavour to embrace opportunities, be creative, astute and travel the world to get some perspective on this capitalist, consumerist phenomenon that the class of 2011 face.