In a post-modern society a person’s identity is an issue that is frequently discussed. How do we define one another? Moreover, how is it acceptable or politically correct to define others? Would it be ok to define a person completely by their gender, their sexuality or their race? Of course not. But what is important is how people use their attributes to define themselves and consequently whether they feel as though they are being true to their identity.
Whatever is important to each individual in their lives helps them to define themselves for themselves and not have their identity defined for them by others. For example being a mother, or daughter, or friend may be important and certainly affect the way that one may conduct themselves and how they act in certain situations. However, I would argue that there are of course different types of mothers and daughters and friends. Some good, some bad and some of these relationships seem more important than others. It is how individuals perceive themselves and who they believe they are that moulds them into the kind of person they are going to be in each of these roles, and how they are perceived by others.
I assume that most people have heard the saying that it is impossible to truly love, until you learn to love yourself? I believe that knowing or not knowing your identity faces you with a similar scenario: without knowing what you truly believe in, what gives you a firey feeling in your belly, and what makes you incredibly angry means that you do not really guide other people and understand and appreciate them in the same way that you possibly could. So, although you may not like all of the qualities you recognise in yourself, learning to accept them and manage them will mean that you can often have better relationships with others.
They say that when people travel, or move away to University that they find their identity- in effect they are forced to. They can break away from old routines and in a sense mould their lives again. You are allowed and encouraged to develop incredible passion and distaste and meet people who are like minded and even in many a case are not. But on this journey you are content in accepting that all kinds of characters are, of course, necessary to make the world go round and that difference helps to make people aware of whom they are and who they are most definitely not.
Therefore, when you leave an environment where you are comfortable, valued and respected for your thoughts and opinions you are left lost. You can spend years being defined as a student: someone who is valued for their hard work, their intelligence and their integrity. Your mistakes become fond memories- necessary occurrences that have guided you to a place that will have a long lasting effect on your life and, later, be an imprinted mark upon your identity.
But, unless you choose to stay in this world it is also inevitable that it will come to an end. Falling down the ladder is painful and uncomfortable. No-one will care in the work place about who you were before and what you think- not for many years to come anyhow. And back at the bottom foot of the ladder you suddenly realise that you have left your identity way back at the top, up in the clouds, away with the fairies and the double sixes. Everything that you became during education is, in a sense lost, the only part of it that is left is the knowledge that you once had it.
The lesson that is taught in all of this is quite simply that life is hard. Getting comfortable at the top of the ladder (in any environment) means that there is always room to fall. To be able to define yourself and know yourself is pretty surreal, almost like frequent out of body experiences. And because of the falling and the hopping in and out of your body it unavoidably leaves you with many aches and pains. Worst of all, being in limbo, between roles and places means that when people ask you about yourself you are left stuttering and rambling- grappling around to cling on to the explanation you have had for the past three years. But living in the past will not help you to be a valued mother, daughter or friend because you will begin to miss the present, the future and the people surrounding you.
Although I will strive to continue to do the things that I discovered I loved to do because of my three years spent at Essex, from this moment, when someone asks me what I am about, instead of whinging that I have just left Uni and rambling on for twenty minutes about; how I miss it, and how I loved it, and can’t believe it’s all over, I will say:
“I graduated in June 2011 and I’m frequently being whacked round the face with the reality of the world at the moment, but, nevertheless I’m going to try really hard not to lose sight of who I am and what I want to do.”
Then, firstly, I will silently sob into the pint of beer that I am probably pulling when said questions are asked, thinking about how I can’t really afford the train fare to work for free on my day off.
And secondly, I will give myself a mental slap, and thanks to goodness I’m not living on a raft to escape slavery, or being forced to go to war at the age of 13, or living in a post-apocalyptic state constantly in fear of my life.
Up the ladder, down the snake, and up the ladder- so it goes.
